Who even knows?

So I have a secret. I realize that by posting it, it makes it not as much of a secret, but whatever. Here it goes.

I am...

applying for...

Teach for America.

Shocker? Maybe. Most people are surprised, but then they remember how random I am, and they decide that it truthfully is pretty predictable of me. Oh well. What can I say?

So we are at 87 days, 15 hours, 20 minutes, and 58 seconds until I graduate (according to my widget). Which means I have approximately 87 days, 15 hours, 20 minutes, and 57 seconds to figure out what the HECK I want to do next. Notice I have shifted my philosophy about the F word from "rest of my life" to "next." Ha. Take that, career planners.

So there are options. TFA obviously being one, and then there's some iffy talk coming from church people, and I have some fantastic people looking out for me (Cookie Benson, Tova, some other parents...) But nothing really sounds that fabulous yet.

Phil sent me this video from Jedidiah, a humanitarian clothing company "rooted in love" (their clothing benefits various non-profits, and their mission statement is "Jedidiah is for lovers, and love requires action.") This chick is awesome. She did exactly what I dream of doing. She just did what she loved and loved by doing what she does, and then she fell into the hands of fame and success. I don't want to be famous or "successful" in the way the world defines it, but I love how she makes a difference by using what she's been given by God.

Stephen and I stayed up till 1 the other night talking. I swear we could talk forever about anything. We are both dreamers, so it works out well, and there is such comfort and security in our friendship that there aren't any hesitations or walls hindering the conversation. We talked about what we could do if we could do anything and money not be a factor. But the reality is, money is a factor, and so who even knows what it looks like to do whatever you want?

Who even knows who or what they are supposed to be doing?

Who even knows who they are?

We are so confounded by our fears, by expectations, by our emotions, that it's hard to be headstrong about your life and yourself. At least that's how I feel right now.

So I'm using Kelli here as inspiration and encouragement that doing what you love and loving what you do still exists in the career form, and that I absolutely can find it.

Is it at HPUMC?

Is it in Dallas?

Is it with Teach for America?

Who even knows...