Scarves and Friend Groups

Today I am wearing a scarf.

It's not that cold outside (ok it's kinda hot actually), but I am wearing a golden tie-die scarf around my neck, and I am enjoying it.

I've realized more and more lately how multi-faceted I am. How even my best friends right now have no clue who I really am. It's weird.

The other day, I was sitting in the office with Phil and Drew and a bunch of kids, and I was showing them the newest devotional book that I had designed. They were asking me where I got all the fonts and images and what not. When I explained to them that I make it all myself, and that nothing they see from me is downloaded or stolen, you would have thought I just revealed some ridiculous secret about the end of the world or something.

Laughing, Allie (Cupcake) said, "Yeah...Hillary is way cooler than anyone knows."

I have to admit it, she is right. I am a whole lot better as the whole me, and it makes me really sad that no one knows who that is completely.

Today, when I put on my scarf, I thought to myself, "What does this scarf say about me?" I think there are some things implied by the scarf-on-a-hot-day look...I am artsy, I try to pretend I'm artsy, I'm stylish, I'm a little bit hippy...which one is it?

I decided that my different friends would interpret it differently. My creative friends wouldn't think twice of it, because they see the whimsical and eclectic side of me all the time. My SMU friends would probably make fun of me for trying to be like all the other sorority girls. My church friends would be surprised, complimenting the way I look, but thinking that it is a little different than the way they know me.

So, as I am deciding which direction to go next in life, I have come to the conclusion that whatever, wherever it is, I want to be the whole me. I want to be able to pour my whole self into what I am doing: my art, my love for people, my love for words, my love for the outdoors and exercising, and my overwhelming love for God.

Doesn't really make the decision process any easier, but who really cares.